Find out the #1 cause of lesbian and queer relationship challenges - and how to navigate it. Do you want to stop losing yourself in your intimate relationships? Want to keep excitement and passion alive? Then watch this video!
Summary: We all need both closeness and separateness In our relationships - yet most of us find it hard to flow smoothly back and forth between those states. The main culprit are feelings we call PAP and PEP (Primal Abandonment Panic and Primal Engulfment Panic, respectively). These are actual neurological states that relate back to our early childhood, and they often get triggered by our intimate relationships.
You may find yourself going into PAP when your girlfriend is late, or far away, or busy, or distracted, and you start freaking out. It feels terrifying (or enraging), so you tug on her, hoping to bring her close again...but the bad news is, she might be experiencing PEP at the very same time!
When you're in PEP, it feels like your girlfriend is always glomming onto you. She's stuck to you like white on rice. You feel like you have to give yourself up just to be in the relationship. And you try to make her happy, but it seems like she's sucking the life out of you. You feel smothered, suffocated, taken over, and you start to think, if this is love, do I even want it?
Some women are more prone to PAP, others to PEP - and some of us go through both! Whichever state you find yourself (and your partner) in, the important thing is to take a step back, way back, into compassion. Neither one of you is right or wrong, and you're both suffering. But if you don't learn to work skillfully with your PAP and PEP, you're bound to be miserable. Fortunately, there IS a solution. Download our free book at http://consciousgirlfriend.com to learn how to heal PAP & PEP, and save your relationship!